


Even if it’s in your programming...

by LadyJester1212



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: F/M, Hesitant love reciprocation, Hurt/Comfort, Krytchanski, Love Confessions, One-Shot(?), Yes I can’t help but like this pairing, i was bored, unexpected pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyJester1212/pseuds/LadyJester1212
Summary: Kochanski is distraught because Kryten doesn’t like her, but she likes him... as more than a friend that is.
Relationships: Kryten/Kristine Kochanski
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Even if it’s in your programming...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y’all. Ever since I watched Red Dwarf with my mom when I was a kid, I can’t help but like the idea of Kryten and Kochanski being a couple. To this day in adulthood, I still can’t help but like it.
> 
> Then I searched for fanfics with the pairing Kryten/Kristine Kochanski, but I can’t find any, and there isn’t any fanfics about this pairing (as far as I know). So, I created this story.
> 
> I know this might be a “weird” pairing, but I can’t help but like it (even though in the show, Kryten didn’t like Kochanski and only tolerated her (at least at first) and that Kryten is a mechanoid and Kochanski was a human). ^^’ Yes, I know it’s not canon, but like I said, I can’t help but like this pairing.
> 
> Then again, now that I think about it, in the Jim Carrey version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, Grinch and Martha became a couple, so I guess this isn’t too different... >.>
> 
> Also, I feel like I should rewatch Red Dwarf again.
> 
> I own nothing!

Kochanski was holed up in her room, sitting on her bed, her thoughts running through her mind— mainly on a certain service mechanoid. Ever since she came to this dimension after falling in the abyss, but was helped out of it by Lister, Cat, and Kryten, though she ended up unconscious and waking up to see Lister’s face, and kissed him, the mechanoid was the first to try to make Lister and Kochanski stop kissing...

Yes, Lister attempted to confess when she mistook him for her Lister when she was regaining consciousness and kissing him, but he ended up lying to her because he enjoyed her kiss— and Kryten did try to tell Lister. 

Kochanski shuddered at that memory, but then remembered feeling pissed both at Kryten and at Lister when she fully regained consciousness and Lister wasn’t Lister. But when Kryten told her that he tried telling Lister that she’s regaining consciousness and that she accidentally kissed Lister, mistaking him for her Lister. Of course, Kochanski was less pissed with Kryten and felt more pissed with Lister.

At least this Kryten wasn’t deceitful to Kochanski when he first met her like Lister was. Even if it’s in his programming to be honest and kind, Kochanski couldn’t help but feel drawn to the mechanoid. Unfortunately, Kryten was distant to her at first.

The mechanoid’s aloofness disappointed and upset Kochanski.

With a sigh, Kochanski grabbed her red journal and her pencil that are sitting on her bedside table then began to write.

*I don’t understand why he doesn’t like me.*

The brunette woman wrote in her journal titled “Kochanski’s Private Journal”, looking like she’s about to cry any moment.

*Why is he afraid that I “might take Lister” away? I thought I made it clear that I don’t like the Lister from this dimension, and that I broke up with the Lister from my dimension?*

Kochanski wiped a tear from her eye before continuing to write.

*When I woke up from unconsciousness in the medical room with my vision blurry at the time, I was met with the face of Lister. Initially thinking I was back in my own dimension, I kissed Lister— no, not the same Lister from my dimension— THIS Lister, a pig who likes to take advantage of half-insensible women. Of course, his mechanoid friend, namely Kryten tried to stop him, his purpose of trying to tell Lister that I mistook the Lister in this dimension for the Lister from my dimension.*

Her tears roll down her cheeks and then landed on the pages, soaking some of the writing,

*Kryten was actually nice and decent by trying to explain to Lister that I was mistaking him for the Lister in my dimension— even if it’s in his programming to be honest. Yes, ever since then, I was drawn to Kryten, even though he is a mechanoid. He’s more like the Lister from my dimension than this Lister is, so maybe that’s why I’m drawn to him?*

The brunette wiped away her tears as she reflects on her first meeting the crew from a dimension different from this one and about Kryten.

*But when I found out Kryten doesn’t like me, it broke my heart. At least he was still nice to me, despite him not liking me. Why can’t everybody be like him?”

Kochanski’s hand trembled as she wrote the next sentence, more tears hitting the page.

*When Kryten gave off that he doesn’t like me, I tried getting into a relationship with Lister, but it just didn’t feel right. He’s not like the Lister from my dimension. Kryten is more like the Lister from my dimension… Yes, Kryten doesn’t like me, but at least he’s not a pig who likes to take advantage of women. Kryten is kind, it’s a shame he doesn’t feel the same way towards me as I do about him or that he doesn’t like me in general.*

Kochanski closed her journal then placed it beside her on her bed along with her pencil with a sigh, wiping her eyes. Looking at the time, it read “5:00 P.M.”. Kochanski stood up then left her room.

——-

Kryten was in the ship’s kitchen getting out ingredients for tonight’s dinner, it being fettuccine Alfredo. The mechanoid had overheard Kristine Kochanski saying that it’s her favorite dish, and he—along with Rimmer, Cat, and Lister— noticed that she seemed down as of late. So, he thought this dish would cheer Kochanski up, especially since he thought Lister would want Kochanski to have that— even though Lister isn’t fond of pasta and prefers curry. Oh well, if Lister is willing to sacrifice his wants for Kochanski whenever he wants, then why not?

The mechanoid was just getting out spices from the cabinet when he heard a female voice, “Kryten?”

Kryten stopped what he was doing then turned to look at the owner of the voice, and was met with the tear-stained face of Kristine Kochanski.

“Ma’am?” Kryten said, his drives on concern mode.

Kochanski took a seat by the dining table, her brown eyes glued to the said-table. Kryten stopped what he was doing then sat by her, placing a hand on her back.

Kochanski felt warmth from the sensation, the mechanoid’s touch calming her down a little.

“Are you okay?” Kryten asked.

Kochanski looked at Kryten for a moment before she threw herself on the mechanoid, hugging him tightly as though she was holding onto him for dear life and sobbing quietly in his shoulder.

The mechanoid was startled by Kochanski’s sudden hug. He recalled the last time he tried comforting Kochanski, which was by programming himself the ability to comfort a crying woman— but his hug turned out to be the Heimlich maneuver. Ever since then, he tried to improve and practice on how to hug properly. The mechanoid looked at this as an opportunity to try again.

“Programming, don’t fail me now,” Kryten thought as he slowly lifted his arms before gently wrapping them around the brunette.

Kochanksi was still sobbing into Kryten’s shoulder, though at the same time enjoying being in Kryten’s arms— especially since he’s not giving her the Heimlich maneuver and it’s a genuine hug this time.

While hugging the sobbing human, Kryten used his right hand to rub her back, listening to her quiet sobs.

Soon, Kochanski stopped crying and calmed down before pulling away from the mechanoid, rather hesitantly. She then wiped her blood-shot eyes, resuming to stare at the table.

Kryten watched Kochanski closely. If Kryten’s ability to touch and ability to sense emotions was working well today, he could have sworn that Kochanski seemed like she didn’t want to get out of his hug.

There was silence for a moment. Kryten decided to break it, “...Ms. Kochanski? Are you ready to talk about what’s upsetting you?”

Kochanski took a deep breath before slowly looking at Kryten. “I want to ask you something that I’ve been wondering ever since you and I have met...why don’t you like me?”

Kryten paused, taking in her question. “Well, ma’am...It’s not that I dislike you. I just don’t like your actions.”

“What actions?” Kochanski asks, confused. “What did I do to upset you?”

“You were testing out whether if Mr. Lister from this dimension is like Mr. Lister from your dimension, you rearranged things around when unnecessary, you—“

Seeing that Kochanski looked like she was about to cry again, the mechanoid immediately got quiet before he said, “But I do tolerate you...As a matter of fact, I started to tolerate you when you saved Mr. Lister from the epideme virus—”

“Tolerate?” Kochanski sounded disappointed. “I mean, yes, I was testing out Lister...but did it ever occur to you that I was nostalgic and trying to get used to being in this dimension? And, did it ever occur to you that I was only trying to help around?”

Kryten blinked, getting quiet.

“And did it ever occur to you that I never liked Lister in that way?”

“Well, no, ma’am,” Kryten said, his voice sheepish, sitting forward, placing his hands on the table. “I was just too focused on looking out for him that I never thought of that before.”

Kochanski placed her hand over the mechanoid’s hand. “I understand.”

Kryten looked down at Kochanski’s hand before looking at her, getting nervous. “You do?”

“You two seem like good, best friends,” Kochanski said, smiling a bit. “It’s normal for friends to look out for each other.”

“It’s true.” Kryten nodded. “You’ve looked out for me before too.”

“And I only see Lister as a friend,” Kochanski said. “Nothing more. Yes, Lister’s nice, but he’s not my type.” She grabbed Kryten’s hand gently.

“What is your type?” Without thinking, the mechanoid grabbed Kochanski’s hand.

Kochanski said nothing. She smiled before she sat on Kryten’s lap.

Kryten’s breath was caught in his throat, flustered. “Ma’am, what are you doing?”

“You see, ever since I met you, I always liked you.” Kochanski said, wrapping her left arm around his shoulder while placing her hand on his cheek. “Yes, you were distant to me, yet you were kind. You’re kind, honest, and you don’t take advantage of anybody. You’re also a good friend.”

“Well, it is in my programming, ma’am…” Kryten stammered out. “And, I don’t think it’s in my programming to feel an attraction to a human—“

“I know. I can fix that,” Kochanski smiled before she slid her right hand on Kryten’s upper arm then proceeded to kiss him.

Kryten paused, taking in what’s happening right now. She— Kristine Kochanski— a human, is actually kissing him, a mechanoid. He never would have thought she would be serious when she said that she was into him. But she was. She was into him all along. This was no dream.

The mechanoid was contemplating what to do— on one hand, if Lister found out if Kochanski was into Kryten all along, he would be disappointed. On the other hand, Kochanski is a good kisser… and… 

“She is attractive.” Kryten thought, gently wrapped his arms around Kochanski’s waist then kissed her back.

Rimmer was walking in the hallway. He had been in his room reading. As he was reading, he got hungry, so he thought of going in the kitchen to check to see what was for dinner. When he got to the kitchen doorway, he walked in and opened his mouth to say something until he saw Kochanski sitting on Kryten’s lap kissing him with Kryten kissing back.

Observing the two, Rimmer slowly closed his mouth before he stealthily backed away out of the kitchen. Once he got in the hallway, he had a smirk.

“I’ll keep this a secret for now,” Rimmer thought, walking away with the smirk still plastered on his face.

Finally, Kochanski and Kryten pulled away. 

“Did that fix your programming?”

Kryten was tongue-tied. He can’t believe he actually enjoyed it, especially since this is Kochanski. “A… a little,” Kryten croaked out.

“Even if it’s in your programming to be this way, I still love you,” Kochanski smiled before she got up then kissed Kryten’s cheek. “I’ll be back when supper is ready.” She then left the room.

Kryten was still processing what happened just now. “Maybe she should fix that programming more…” Kryten thought before he got up then resumed prepping dinner, his mind fixed on Kochanski.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to give me constructive criticism!
> 
> I might add more chapters, Idk.


End file.
